05/24/05

I had a really fucked up dream last night and I think the ex was in it. I can't get him out of my fricking head!! His name is so effing common that I hear it everywhere and if I'm not thinking of him, someone says something that reminds me of him. I feel kind of guilty for avoiding him lately...maybe I should give himn a call *shrugs* or not.

I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately...not just mine but those of my friends, family, and of people on TV.

Does going back to a person responsible for a great deal of your unhappiness not once, but several times, make you a masochist? Am I addicted to the pain he causes me? And it is only him that can make me hurt so much because I don't give a rat's ass about any of my other former boyfriends.

This is going to make me sound like a total nerd, but I have to bring up something my beloved Spike said about Buffy (I believe it was during the last season, the episode where she had to keep him chained up in the basement). He said that she needed the hurt and the pain that her love interests caused her to be strong.

I don't even want to contemplate the implications of this. I've got so much shit I've got to get done this week. I still have to go to San Marcos and get a transcript sent to the admin there so they stop thinking I'm a fricking sophomore, have to try to make my mother see reason...and there are a lot of other things *sighs* I'm just so freaking tired of all this crap. Being on the brink of death for the thousandth time kind of puts things into perspective.

I'm not going to stress out over anything if I don't have to. I know I sound kind of serious in all this for some reason and that's not how I mean to come across. My nottto's still don't sweat the petty things...and don't pet the sweaty things. My sense of humor is still intact, and that's what's important *grins*