Thanks to the full moon...

Last week, on the night of the full moon, I had this really awesomely bizzare dream that I jotted down the minute I woke up...

It started off with me walking onto a set where a music video was being shot. There is a small group (no more than fifteen) of what looks like professional dancers (all girls about my age or older) standing around conversing amongst themselves and they don't look too thrilled about my being there.

I smile at everyone and say, "hello" mostly to be polite. I get a few responses, but for the most part, I'm ignored. That doesn't bother me because I'm really excited about this video because the featured artists is one of my all time favorite people. Yep, it was The Billy Corgan.

He walks onto the set and all the dancers perk up and surge forward to introduce themselves. I hang back from everyone else in a moment of shyness until everyone looks to me waiting for me to speak up. I'm so star struck that the only words I manage to get out (in a rush at that) are: "Wow. Billy, it's a real honor. I love you and everything you've ever done." Billy kind of smiles and gives me a look that seems to say, "oh, I see. You're one of those people."

It's about then that I start feeling like a complete idiot, so I decide to keep my mouth shut for as long as possible. Everyone goes back to chatting until the director arrives and informs us it's time to get to work after telling us how privileged we are to be granted the honor of appearing in Billy's newest video (which, he explains is going to be a shorty love story with a bit of dance thrown in).

The girls are really excited about possibly being the woman that Billy falls for in the video and start chatting amongst themselves again until the director quiets them down. He turns to me and says something like, "we can get started filming once I figure out how you got here."

Everyone turns to stare and I'm starting to feel a little angry that I've been singled out until Billy speaks up and suggest that I show them why I was chosen. I smile and nod, grateful for his help.

The director flips a switch and suddenly Disarm is playing. For a moment I hesitate...and in that moment, it's almost like time slowed down for me. I see all of the girls watching me intently, the expressions on their faces clearly stating their dislike of me, I see the director who appears to be be bored, but at the same time it seems as though he too is hoping I fuck up. And then I see Billy sitting to the side away from everyone, leaning slightly forward in his seat, a look of curiousity and expectation on his face. And it's then I tell myself to forget about mechanics and just dance what the music has always made me feel.

I don't remember the dance, but I remember finishing and looking past the stunned girls and the equally surprised looking director to find Billy standing and smiling as he walks toward me and tells me I'm going to be the "leading lady" in the production.

I feel my eyes fill with tears and I squeak out, "Really!?" and he just nods and laughs as he gives me one of those one armed hugs.

More happened here...lines being practiced, rehearsals, choreography, blah, blah, blah. But I can't remember any of the details.

So one night, I'm alone at the studio, practicing in front of the mirrors and the next thing I know, Billy's there. We don't talk much other than to say hello; he just stands there watching me for a while (I can see him in the mirror) so I keep on practicing. After a while though, I start to feel self-conscious so I turn to face him, a sheepish expression on my face as I ask him what's going on.

Billy didn't say anything for a moment, and then he said, "Come on. Run with me." I didn't even think twice as I followed him out the doors and into a forest by the light of the full moon. In this moment, I felt incredibly free and alive.

Finally, we both start to get tired so we stop to rest on a ledge overlooking the city with the moon beaming down on us in all of its haunting beauty. We don't talk, we just sit and enjoy the view and each others' presence for a while. And then...


I woke up. What a downer, LOL.