Matters of the Heart

You guys, I'm about to do something unlike me in about 22 lines. Two weeks from now, I'm going to be celebrating my 4 month anniversary with the bf. I can scarcely believe it. Let me give a little snapshot of things as they stand now:

*C is an easy-going, music loving, sports playing, tall, muscular, lover of animals with a good career
*He's supportive and attentive (but not so much that I feel like I'm suffocating)
*He's perfectly fine with my quirks (like my loves of Merlin, ice cubes, & Bravo, my usage of acronymns (OMG and WTF are my faves) and how much I loathe feet, *shudders*).
*He told his friends he thinks I'm smart and funny
*He's said he loves me; twice.

Love has always been kind of a dirty word to me. Not because I'm anti-love or anything but because I'm just anti "the crap that happens in its name". The first time he said it I laughed it off and changed the subject. The second time he said it I didn't say anything at all because I couldn't say it back.

I didn't love him then. I do now.

That was probably the hardest realization I've had to come to terms with in a long time. I was standing in my bathroom, brushing my hair before going to bed when some random memory of one of any thousand of minutes we'v espent together came to mind; I remember thinking to myself then "God, I love him" and then a few moments later once my brain had a chance to process what I had just thought "HUH?!?".

I really didn't think I could put myself through love and its subsequent drama again, but it looks like I was wrong. Y'know what, I've never been so glad to be wrong (and yes, I know how sappy I sound. Ignore the sap, I'm still the same gal I was before, I promise!!).

The only problem is I haven't told him yet. He told me twice using words. I'm more of a "let me just demonstrate my feelings through actions" kind of person. Yesss, I know relationships are all about compromise and I'm probably going to have to just say the words but I am already once bitten. I don't think he'd ever hurt me purposefully but any time you give your heart to someone you have to have tremendous faith in them. Soapbox message: It's hard to have faith in anyone after the rather explosive breakup I had but I am very glad to report that it can be done.
/cheese